A Step Back

                Today marks my 25^th week of pregnancy.  This is the week that expectant moms are told is a critical week.  If a baby is delivered at 25 weeks, he or she has a chance at surviving.  Granted, it’s not a very good chance, and the future would be filled with many, many days in the hospital.  But it is possible for a 25 week old fetus to survive.  Thankfully, my little sprout has given me no indication that he wants to come out.  Instead, he’s content doing his acrobatics in my womb.  In fact, Chris is a bit worried about how active Baby is.  He’s concerned that Baby is going to be hyperactive.  I tell him that‘s how boys are. 

25 weeks

                We went in for our first post-ultrasound consult a couple weeks ago.  Looking back, I should have been in there much sooner to find out the details of my condition, but the midwife clinic seemed to think a phone conversation was adequate at the time.   If you recall, my previous midwife, who has since left the practice in pursuit of a new opportunity, told me running was still fine.  We found out quite a bit of new and conflicting information at the in-person consult.  The new midwife told me that I could not perform any exercises more strenuous than walking.  No elliptical, no weightlifting, and certainly no running. 

                She told us that if things (aka, my placenta) stay as is, my C-section will be scheduled for 37 weeks.  That’s the critical time when baby is hopefully developed enough to not have complications and before natural labor would start.  Supposedly, it’s really, really bad to go into labor when the placenta is blocking the exit.  The midwife said words like “excessive” and “hemorrhaging.”  The medical experts will do everything they can to prevent labor in my current state.  She also mentioned that an amniocentesis would be performed at 36-37 weeks to determine if Baby’s lungs are developed enough for life outside the womb.  For those who don’t know, amniocentesis is a procedure where they take a very long needle and stick into a pregnant woman’s belly to extract amniotic fluid.  This fluid can tell oodles of information, like if Baby will be able to breathe.   It doesn’t sound like a fun procedure.  37 weeks would give me an amended due date of July 30^th.  Did I mention that Chris is taking the bar exam on July 24^th & 25^th?  That’s just how we roll.

      However . . .

                While the previous midwife seemed very doom and gloom that the placenta was not going to move, the new midwife encouraged us to remain optimistic that things would resolve.  My next scan will be at 29 weeks, or June 4^th.  At that point, we’ll see if there is any forward progress.  If not, they’ll probably schedule another scan for a few weeks after.  One of the frustrations I’ve found with my medical care is that I always go into my appointments excited and optimistic and leave feeling unsettled.  My questions get answered, but most of them are a “Wait & See” response.  It’s maddening. 

                One thing I realized is that if my placenta does clear completely out of the way of my cervix, I would be able to run again.  Granted, I probably wouldn’t be doing 5 mile hill workouts like I was doing at 20 weeks, but to be able to run a single mile at 30 weeks would be exhilarating.  It would probably also be painful.   We’ll worry about that if and when I get there. 

     Yesterday, I took Daughter with me to cheer at a half marathon I was registered for.  Obviously, I couldn’t run, but a lot of my friends were running the race and I still wanted to be a part of it.  It was an enlightening experience and one that I’m pretty sure will benefit me as a runner. 

Me and my girl

There were pacers who held signs as they ran to help runners reach their goal times.  The first sign read 1:30 and each subsequent sign increased by 5 minutes.  With these signs, I could see exactly where I would fit in, pre-pregnancy, based on my fall marathon time.  I’d be a 1:41. Incidentally, this was exactly the time that Victor ended up with. 

Watching the 1:41ers run past me was profound.  I couldn’t imagine myself moving that fast.  Those runners were really flying!  Yet I know what my abilities were.  I have the data on my Garmin to prove it.  For one of the first times, I really impressed myself as a runner . . . and I was only watching.  It was like seeing how good I was, and how good I will be again, from outside of myself.  It was a wonderful experience.

This may sound strange, but I already feel faster than my best marathon PR.  I’m better than a 3:35.  It will just take me a little bit of time to get to my potential.   I know it’s there already.    I just needed to take a step back to really see how good I am.  A 3:20 lives inside of me.