The Waiting Place

I’ve decided to give up waiting.  Waiting doesn’t do me any good.  I’ve been waiting for Baby to be born.  Waiting for ultrasounds.  Waiting to run again.  Waiting for Chris’ law school to be over.  Waiting to find a real job.  Waiting to get back into shape.  I don’t want to wait anymore and this conviction has been solidified by reading and re-reading Oh the Places You Will Go to Daughter at bedtime. 

                The waiting place . . .

                . . . for people just waiting

                Waiting for a train to go

                Or a bus to come or a plane to go

                Or the mail to come or the rain to go

                Or the phone to ring, or the snow to snow

                Or waiting around for a Yes or No

                Or waiting for their hair to grow

                Everyone is just waiting

                Waiting for the fish to bite

                Or waiting for the wind to fly a kite

                Or waiting around for Friday night

                Or waiting, perhaps, for their Uncle Jake

                Or a pot to boil, or a Better Break

                Or a string of pearls, or a pair of pants

                Or a wig with curls, or Another Chance.

                Everyone is just waiting.   

On Monday, I had another appointment with the midwives.  This was the third midwife I have seen in the last 2 months.  Like the most recent midwife I had seen, this one encouraged me to remain optimistic that my previa would resolve.  Baby’s heart rate was in the 150s and the Doppler picked up all of his movements.  Hearing him move at the same time I could feel him move was a surprise and gave me the giggles.  Chris just thought I was nuts.  I guess that’s one of the perks about being the mom:  Doppler giggles.  The best news I got was that if my previa clears up, all of my physical restrictions will be removed.  I can go running the same day as my ultrasound if things are looking favorable.   It would probably be an awkward run since I will be 10 weeks more pregnant than the last time I ran, and about 15 pounds heavier.  But I would be able to get my heart rate up again and I could really use that.

I also had my gestational diabetes test on Monday.   The easy version of the test consists of drinking a bottle of sugar water, waiting an hour, and having blood drawn to determine what my blood sugar level is.  The number I wanted to beat was 139.  I came in at 142.  Not quite good enough.   This earned me a trip back to the lab this morning to take the more extensive version of the test, involving 4 blood draws over the course of 3 hours.  Turns out I didn’t pass this test either, but just barely.  It was only my fasting blood sugar level that was too high.  96 instead of 95.  This was before I drank the sugar water.  The rest of my numbers, post sugar-drink, were well below the critical range.  So instead of diagnosing me with gestational diabetes, they want me to retake the longer test in a couple weeks.  I pushed back a bit while I was chatting with the nurse on the phone today.  If it’s borderline, can’t I just make changes to my diet and call it good?  Do I have to give up another 3 hours?  She said she chatted with the midwives about my case and they want to keep close tabs on me.  Then she listed all the reasons why:  my previous C section, the low amniotic fluid level I had in the last pregnancy, the infection I got during labor, and the previa I’m currently dealing with.  She said that all of those combined factors put me at higher risk.  In other words, she convinced me that taking the test again in a couple weeks is a good idea. 

In the meantime, I’m not going to wait for 2 weeks before I start making changes to my diet.  I’m going to be more mindful of my food choices.  Less pasta, bread, and ice cream.  More meat, dairy, and oatmeal.  I’ll admit, I’ve been letting myself go since running was removed from my regimen.  Finding the time to walk has been challenging.  But this diabetes scare is just what I need to get myself moving in the right direction again.  I had an epiphany.   I don’t have to wait to get myself in shape for running.  There are things I can do today, at 27 weeks, to help me reach my running goals.  Whether it’s more exercise (which is only walking in my world right now) or less junk food.   Somewhere along this pregnancy, I’ve given up my good choices and my priorities without giving it a second thought.  That’s a place I don’t want to be.  That’s the waiting place.